To Love Ourselves
by Yokomi
Summary: Sometimes, we need someone to accept us and love us first. Then, we would learn to see ourselves through that person's eyes and learn to love ourselves.


**Author's Notes:** Frankly, I don't know what this is... just try and enjoy it XD

 **Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING!

 **To Love Ourselves**

Kakashi doesn't know what makes him a good person.

No, _scratch that_ , Kakashi knows he isn't a good person, although most people wouldn't say so, not by any stretch of the word.

He knows because a good person would never do what he does. Not willingly at least. But Kakashi does, and he does it because he _wants_ to _(maybe that is the first sign that he should stop before he becomes something that_ isn't _human… but Kakashi thinks it's already too late for that.)_

He is only too thankful when Minato-sensei decides he would be far better off in ANBU. Kakashi takes that title like it was some sort of anchor. And Kakashi finds that it _is_ _(perhaps this is the second sign, but Kakashi is too preoccupied with driving his fist through people's chests to notice.)_

He's ANBU captain before he knows it. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Any ANBU who has killed and murdered as many humans as he has is bound to become an assassination team's leader. The fact that he has become too cold-hearted and scarily detached doesn't bother him _(this is the third sign, but who cares?)_

He's outlived all his teammates already, even his teacher is long gone. But Kakashi is still ANBU captain, is still ramming his fist through people's chests, and is still ending lives. He's forgotten how many people he's killed, but that's okay, their screams echo in his brain every night anyways _(and what do you know? The fourth sign makes itself known. Kakashi finds that it doesn't matter.)_

He has already lasted longer than anyone in ANBU. All of those he used to know, was acquainted with, are already either broken corpses or broken minds. He's stopped trying to talk to his comrades after a while, he finds it isn't really worth it; they'll be gone too quickly anyways _(he's sure this is the fifth sign, but who's counting?)_

The Sandaime _(because the Yondaime is dead, that's what they till him anyways, but he sees him every day, and what do the villagers know anyhow? Maybe this is the sixth sign…? Kakashi shakes his head uncaringly)_ forces him out of duty.

The Sandaime reinstates him as a Jonin instead of an ANBU, but he's still taking suicide S-ranked missions and assassinating people who are unlucky enough to have their names written on his piece of paper. The Hokage gives him a team every year, along with all the other Jonin, but he fails the Genin each year without fail. He doesn't want to drag anyone down with him, he tells himself _(he's quick to notice the seventh sign. Lucky number seven. But perhaps, in this case, it's unlucky…?)_

One year, he gets a team made up of two boys, loud and brooding things they are, and a girl, annoying thing she is. They remind him of memories he would rather forget, he has half the mind to fail them before he even _tests_ them. They make him remember Minato-sensei and Obito and Rin and a younger _him_. And Kakashi hates himself… so he hates them.

The team he passes makes his life miserable and cheerful all at the same time. They look at him with such adoration and awe, Kakashi is sure he doesn't deserve any of that. They fight and laugh and cry together. He's never been a child before; he's forgotten how innocent kids can be.

Kakashi doesn't know what makes him a bad person.

No, _scratch that_ , Kakashi knows he isn't a bad person, although most people wouldn't say so, not by any stretch of the word.

He knows because a bad person would never do what he does. Not willingly at least. But Kakashi does, and he does it because he _wants_ to _(maybe that is the first sign that he should stop before he becomes something that_ is _human… but Kakashi thinks it's already too late for that.)_

He is only too thankful when Sandaime-sama decides he would be far better off as a Jonin. Kakashi takes that title like it was some sort of anchor. And Kakashi finds that it _is_ _(perhaps this is the second sign, but Kakashi is too preoccupied with stopping two idiotic boys from killing each other to notice.)_

He's a team's captain before he knows it. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Any Jonin who has endured as much of their fighting as he has is bound to become team captain. The fact that he has become too warm-hearted and scarily attached doesn't bother him _(this is the third sign, but who cares?)_

He's living alongside his teammates now, even though he's outlived all of his old teammates already, and even his teacher is long gone. But Kakashi is still team captain, is still stopping loud fights, and is still building his students' lives. He's forgotten how many fights he's stopped, but that's okay, they still replay in his brain every night anyways _(and what do you know? The fourth sign makes itself known. Kakashi finds that it doesn't matter.)_

He has already lost his team before any other Jonin. All of those he used to know, was acquainted with, are already flocking over to him, trying to help. He's stopped trying to talk to his comrades after a while, he finds it isn't really worth it, but they force him anyways and don't care what he thinks _(he's sure this is the fifth sign, but who's counting?)_

The Godaime _(because the Yondaime is dead, that's what they till him anyways, but he sees him every day, and what do the villagers know anyhow? Maybe this is the sixth sign…? Kakashi shakes his head uncaringly and wonders what Jiraiya is forcing Naruto to do)_ forces him back to duty as a Jonin.

The Godaime reinstates him as a team captain instead of a Jonin, but he's still taking suicide S-ranked missions and teaching the unlucky people who got stuck with him in the most twisted ways possible. The Hokage used to give him a team every year, along with all the other Jonin, but he failed the Genin each year without fail. He doesn't want to drag anyone down with him, he tells himself, and he won't have to, his three students are more than strong enough to keep standing _(he's quick to notice the seventh sign. Lucky number seven. And he thinks it really is lucky.)_

One year, he gets a team made up of two boys, stubborn and unshakeable things they are, and a girl, scary thing she is. They remind him of memories he would rather never forget, he has half the mind to stand by them before he even _tests_ them for the second time. They make him remember Minato-sensei and Obito and Rin and a younger _him_. And Kakashi loves himself… so he loves them.

 **The End**

 **Author's Notes:** Please tell me what you thought! R&R!


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